What is beneath?

A lot of people look but they don’t see properly what’s lying beneath the surface
Current mood: calm

For many years, my greatest enemy has been myself.
Every miscalculation, every stumble I made has been replayed again and again
Every broken promise, every day wasted, every goal not reached has compounded the disgust I feel for the lack of achievement in my life.
When I disappoint myself, I respond with inaction and become more disappointed.
A teardrop is insignificant in a pool of water, but it can touch the soul as it runs down someone’s face.
Oh life can be strange, good and bad in so many ways. In time you will find that things aren’t always what they seem.
As a child, I was afraid of the dark, as an adult I am afraid of the light, I am afraid to step out. I am afraid to become more.
And still it’s hard somehow to let go of my pain.
Will I always feel this way? So empty and so estranged?
Forgiveness is unlocking the door to set someone free and realizing I have been the prisoner.
True strength comes from being able to hold it all together when no one would blame me for falling apart.
Sometimes life doesn’t give me all the answers I want because I think it wants to keep me from getting hurt.
So often I look at the other and compare myself to them and that’s when I see all the arrows in my heart...
All the hurt that I wish would vanish.
So someone would reach and love me.
Sometimes I let affection go unspoken and let my life go unexpressed, and sometimes I can’t find words to tell my feelings for the fear no one will understand.
So instead I turn silent.
There are a lot of things I don’t understand.
Why people have to lie or make promises they can’t keep.
I often feel like I have lost my way, it’s as if I am floating around waiting for life to make sense and point me in the right direction.
Will I always feel this way?
So empty....so estranged.
A lot of people look but they don’t properly see what’s lying beneath the surface.
There is a rawness and wonder to life.
The heart has it’s reasons which reason knows nothing of.
-unknown