It never fails, no matter what is going on in my life good bad or otherwise I slip into a downward spiral anywhere from 2 weeks to 2 days before it hits me. Then I realize what's actually going on.
September is by far the worse month for the last 13 years. I continuously ask myself when the pain of her being gone will subside. As I sit and write my eyes full of tears and pain filled heart, the emptiness never fades yet I grow to accept she's never coming back.
There are days when I question so many things about myself, my life, my choices and most of all my parenting. I wish she was here just to pat me on the back or tell me where I am screwing up, when I need to let a little control go and just let life happen. She was the force that drove me to do better, to try harder to be more.
In a strange kind of way, Gracelyn has taken over that part of my Grandma's role in my life. I just wish she was here so I can hug her just one last time.
Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal.
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