Family Blues

What a great weekend and much needed time off. With 4 days all to myself I feel like I put my time to good use and those I spent it with needed it just as much as I did. Life's not about the people who act true to your face. It's about the people who remain true behind your back. The only people you need in your life are the ones that prove they need you in theirs. Sometimes it takes once or twice to get that message across. I will put myself out there but when there's no reciprocation I wonder what kind of friend am I reaching out to. I learned sometimes I expect more from others because I would be willing to do that much more for them. Here's to no expectations, if you want to have goodness in your life, it has to start with you.


I finally did something this weekend I have been meaning to do for many months, and I am glad I did. I went to visit my cousin at San Quentin. What an experience to say the least. It was nothing what I expected. As I exited the freeway and followed the signs for the facility I drove down a narrow road with homes, families etc which I thought was strange but it took away from the reality of where I was going. Once I approached the gate I saw a young boy standing near the "visitor parking" lot and it started to get real for me. As I pulled through and parked my car I saw many more families walking up to visitor processing. I was very nervous to see my cousin and the whole feel of San Quentin in general. Let me tell you, it is nothing like you see in the movies. The guest processing building was dirty with food wrappers and papers laying about the floor. This made me sad because the people who left them there are folks just like me. I approached the line to process and there were a few others there conversing about their week etc. I assume they are regulars here. They were very helping in cluing me in for what to expect. When I entered the room I must have looked like a deer in the headlights because the correctional officer asked if it was my first visit. I gave her my ID and my cousin’s state number. She gave me a print out with his name and photo on it. I purchased two photo ducats so I would have a picture and so would he. After I passed through the metal detectors and I was on my way down the sidewalk to the visiting hall. The grounds of the facility are filled with buildings and my goodness the view is amazing. I guess if you had to be in prison this would be the place to be, aesthetically speaking of course.


I approached a metal gate and the next CO let me in. He took my ID and sent me into the visiting hall. As I walked down the hall I passed small white cages with men inside, I don't know what kind of visiting they had but those little cages were enough to make me feel claustrophobic and I wasn't even in there. I had to give the paper print out to the CO at the booth so he could call for my cousin. As I waited for him I looked around at all the men in blue with their visitors. There was a kid’s area with a television, books and games. There were a lot of families which was so nice to see. Regardless of what these men have done it was comforting to witness the smiles on their faces. It felt like I was sitting there forever, but it was probably closer to 30 minutes when finally I see my cousin appear. It had been close to a year since I had seen him. The smile on his face was indescribable I thought I was going to cry but I kept it together :) We were able to visit for about 4 or so hours and not once was there air in the line. We talked about so many things from our family history, things in our pasts as individuals and what we were both looking forward to in the future. When he told me he had never been to the visiting hall I wanted to cry. He'd been there for almost 8 months and I was his first visit. It really made me see how many of us truly don't have anyone but the busy lives we get ourselves caught up in. If for that day I was his someone, I hope it made a difference for him. I know it did for me.