I think I'm alone now, doesn't seem to be anyone around.

     Today was an especially rough day for me, no good reason why, it just was. I've dealing with excessing tingling,  pins and needles type sensation up and down both arms all week and hasnt let up. Unfortunately,  my last dose of medication was tonight and the pharmacy is running behind.  So that put me into a bit of a tail spin. I am stretching the medication out, I really should have taken it all as one dose this morning, but I stretched it out all day.

     I have reached out via text, email, Facebook,  and not just once asking for help. We got SO much help the first two weeks it was wonderful, I cant tell you how overwhelmed, loved, and blessed we both felt.   August 27 was the last meal we received, but a friend brought tomatoes from her garden and bread she baked so that was a wonderful treat.

    I was desperate for a ride to the store, a friend said let me know when you want to go, I have my availability... I guess he just never had time.

So, I ventured out to take care of it myself. I picked up Gracelyn and off to the store we went with a certificate I was sent from a dear friend from out of state. Quick trip around the store aand the certificate didnt scan. After 1.5 hours of them trying to figure it out....user error. I felt like I was going to have a melt down in 42.7 seconds. Scrambling for my purse looking for my meds thinking oh my gosh please  dont do this now. Not now! He finally figures it out and we are out the store.  I am not even out of the store and tears are rolling down my face. I had to get in the car. Gracelyn loads up, I made 3 calls,  none of which answer.
At that moment, I realize, I am absolutely,  100% alone in this world. If something happens to me, there is nowhere for my daughter to go. There is nobody to call, and even if they did  all, would they answer,  would they care, do they care, maybe theor lack of involvement speaks for itself.  What if that 911 call was real? Then how would you be treat me? Or maybe thats just it, you wouldnt treat me any other way. Another reminder,  I am alone.

Everyone acts concerned, until it's too late. And then it's I meant to get up there, I was supposed to see her. You never know the magnitude  of need when someone says " I need  to see you,  please". Stop being so busy because you never know when you might not have another chance. Tomorrow is not guaranteed.

While being a tiny bit in self thought,  my heart is bleeding my dear friend Matthew  who lost a great friend to suicide. RIP dear friend.